my day starts with ANGER!!

Just after I got out from the door of my parent's house, I got scold by my dad. He complained about my sandals being there, near the door. He said, just throw that one away. When it comes to somebody's property he wants everybody to throw everything away. But when it comes to his, nobody should complain.

I thought it was gonna be over. I was wrong. I was soooooooooooo wrong. He continued to scold me about my room. He said my room is bloody messy that nobody wants to see it. I know. It's his house, and I'm just freeload there. But it was his idea in the first place to call me back here and to live with him. I was pretty happy when I was in Jakarta. I almost took over my life. But they called me back and to live back with them. He doesn't know that I'm sooo f***ing stress to live there. To follow their rules, to hear them nagging all the time. For God Sake, I'm f***ing 24 years old and I have NO control over my life. How pathetic my life is??!! But can I say that? NO WAY!! They won't know what happen in my life because I keep my secret pretty tight. I think, they still think that I'm still the happy girl who likes to talk. They don't know that my depression is getting worse every now and then. Yes, you can call me a PRETENDER!!

I haven't mention anything about the tension when I started talking about the proposal from my boyfee's fam. The first time we ever talked about it, they've started to control things. I know that boyfee's fam doesn't like to be controlled. I know my mom, she wants everything going as she wished. I'm gonna be married for once in a lifetime. And she wants to make as SIMPLE as possible. FINE!!! why don't we all just go to the cityhall and get married there?!! it won't cost anything, rite??!! I've mentioned to boyfee that if the married things getting worse, just drop it and forget about everything. I'll break up with him and just start thinking about my life and pleasure. I don't wanna get married until I don't know when. And when they ask me why..BOOM!! I'm gonna blame for everything.

I think, I have all the anger inside me that never got the chance to go out. Because I don't know how to let it out. *I'm crying and shaking while writing this blog..that's how angry I am to everything*

Btw, last night, we were watching the '15 Hollywood most tragical death' if I'm not mistaken. I never knew about most of the tragic death of the Hollywood artist. But I know now that it's hurtful and frustrating when you can't get your anger out. It will consume you slowly. I was thinking to start smoking, but still haven't got the guts to do it yet. Maybe after they screw up everything, I will also start screwing my life. I mean, I'm just helping to finish what they started, rite??!!